For once, i feel like im being pushed to a corner with a friend's compulsive n repeatitive questioning. Sometimes i wonder if theres something she's looking for, an answer perhaps she has already preconceived in her mind -things she wants to hear and things she doesnt.
Tried hard not to be irritated, but sometimes i really cant. I feel like my every word is being scrutinised carefully, picking out nuances in my sentences...if any different, i'll get bombarded with the same repeated questions on WHY i say that differently from the previous time. And then, back to WHAT i really feel, and IF i lied. And then its the usual "ok ASk u one last time" which is never really the last. Cuz few mins later, the questions get recycled.
Constant interrogation style questioning would break any criminal down in the long term, not to mention good friends. I dont understand.
Maybe its juz today, Maybe is calls that woke me up and those tat kept me from sleeping.. Then questions til i answered them all, then i get to sleep?! something granted to all living things.
Tell me how not to be pessimistic..
when the reason behind my pessimism is uncertainty...
Something looking so rosy can come crashing down the next
Perhaps...we met at the wrong time
Perhaps...at the wrong place
Perhaps...the only thing wrong is us
If only there were Ifs..
If only i can be happy
Time will tell
A wound covered waiting to be healed...
There's no need to know more bout her...
but somehow i still feel unassured..
and maybe tat is what pissed him..
he says "y do u have to keep asking the same thing over again?"
i digress
perhaps...its true...
but i cannot help it..
maybe its juz wanting to listen, to be assured again..
Im tired of asking too
He said "then stop asking!"
I'll try...but the reasons behind them are strong.
Its lies leading to mistrust, leading to further insecurity.
Maybe not seeing him for the time being will be good
yet.. i will miss him.
I dont know if this is called the next level in our relationship...
or..
the beginning of an end.
God, please help.
i love him..
i really do...
weekend's been great, so is our relationship looking up...
but....
someone else is suffering i know...
worse...
yet i cant do anything to help....
I guess i have so many things to say...
this weekend was great, i see u tried to be better now..
But what ive got to say...i dont know how to put it across..
It still hurts...
I guess ur moment of confusion left a permanent scar in our relationship.
Which girl would want to be with a guy who is fickle in love?
Who keeps a lookout constantly for a better partner?
There is no sense of security.. there are still many doubts...
The future might reopen old wounds..
I dont know if i will still be the same..
But one thing im sure of, for now i am faithful.
I cannot stray when my heart already belonged to u.
Dont break it.
Fighting within myself...
Father pls tell me
Is it becuz we stopped going to church?
so u stopped giving us ur blessings...
Give me some guidance, i need ur light..
I saw the new photos she uploaded... 24th..the day they went to watch FD3...i think
I read her blog.. What does she mean "昨天中午对他发了飚,晚上谈判, 结论是我又心软了, 说是最后一次." Last time.. last time what?
Flashbacks..
I tried to call him... No answer..
maybe he's in camp sleeping..
maybe he sneaked out.. the car's with him...
Perhaps i should give up..
even tho he tried to assure me...
still.. I dont get whats going on..
What does she want?
What do they talk about?
Did they go out behind my back?
Is this the beginning or the end?
My heart is aching again..
I dont want to lose him,
But i dont want to share him either.
I hope she disappears...
I told her...
moments of tears
moments of helplessness
moments of feeling cheated
moments of being a fool
A loss so great..
A loss so painful..
A loss... never to turn back..
He.. went out with friends...
i think shes going too..
Because they're all from the same school..
I wont think bout it..
I DONT WANT to think bout it..
I think he doesnt like me to mention bout her everynow and then.
He cuts me off sometimes..
But i cant help it! I feel the hurt, and only he can help me let go of the thought..
Tormenting thoughts..
Disillusionised future..
Almost non-existent security
But his words are so real..
so does he feel.. so real..
And so tender is his touch..
But..
What i cant see...is how real his heart...
She likes him.. He says he doesnt..
He doesn want to give me up juz for her, neither does he like her enough to do so.
Yet why does he still do things tat hurt me..
He wants to play with her..
even tho its not worth it..
I dont know how else to tell her to back off,
without coming across as a B*tch.
But im not, it's my bf..
I have to fight for what is supposed to be mine.
I dont want them to even meet anymore,
its tearing me apart.
I dont even want to have to think bout it anymore..
Someone juz take me away from this place...
Life is too tiring for me..
Relationships are too draining..
Please..before i break..
i heard stuff.. and it aint positive
apparantly, he still went out with her behind my back...
emotions? what emotions? im completely numbed, head to toe.
whats wrong with me? cant he juz stay faithful?
No more chances, no more.
This last one, if he doesn cherish it, im gone. Forever..
Tim like my hair.. so cool haha~ feeling alot better..
Things are looking good so far..Went mandarin today, to celebrate alicia's bday.
Alicia's Darrell's gf, and Darrell's tim's brother. Get it? haha~
Had drinks at the top of the M after dinner at triple3, haven been feeling so relaxed for long. Exams like no exams like tat.. even tho its juz mock exams.
So feeling pretty happy today =P
Someone tell me im not insane..
i snipped my waist-long hair today..
to something juz around my shoulder..
I tink i look much cuter,
but the sexy bit isnt there anymore..
Sobs..
haha~ well as if i was to begin with..
I appreciate those who asked me how ive been..
but honestly, to hear the words "hows u and him?" is like touching a fresh wound.
it still hurts, tho they meant well, still, it hurts.
Because it sets me thinking..
If ur partner still has his eyes open to see the world, and his heart open to receive another,
What should u do?
Im caught up in this situation,
where nothing is gauranteed in future, nothing is Confirmed confirmed, no matter how sure the person sounds now.
So is tat my own insecurities, or what?
Confusion within..
Coaxed by his words,
Messed up by inner thoughts..
internal turmoil
will i ever get pass this..?
i doubt,
it still hurts,
the cut never heals..
juz like the scar will never fade away..
He said..or didnt say..he'll be going out with her again tonight. I dont know.. but i have this feeling even if he does, he isnt going to tell me. That struggle within me that resulted, cant he see that only he can heal the hurt that he caused? before i break down once again..and perhaps this time, i'll never climb back up to allow myself to get hurt again. Or perhaps i'll leave.. leave for good, to a place where no tears will flow, to a person who will love me more than anyone could have.. a place where theres Him.
He said he'll never want to give me up for her.. becuz he love me too much. But the pain inflicted left an open cut that will probably never heal. Even so, what will be left is a scar in its place. Anyways, he's trying his best to plaster it up =P
Time to continue on my blog.. stay tuned for updates. =P
Name: Joanne
Age: 20
School: LPS,RVHS,JJC,NTU,SIM
bday: 18 Jan 1985
[[ The Wishlist ]]
[[ More Aboutt Me ]]
My Boii
My Boys
My O'tahz
Us!!
New phone!!
Rebonded hair!!
DigiCAm!!
A huskii puppy!!
For once, i feel like im being pushed to a corner with a friend's compulsive n repeatitive questioning. Sometimes i wonder if theres something she's looking for, an answer perhaps she has already preconceived in her mind -things she wants to hear and things she doesnt.
Tried hard not to be irritated, but sometimes i really cant. I feel like my every word is being scrutinised carefully, picking out nuances in my sentences...if any different, i'll get bombarded with the same repeated questions on WHY i say that differently from the previous time. And then, back to WHAT i really feel, and IF i lied. And then its the usual "ok ASk u one last time" which is never really the last. Cuz few mins later, the questions get recycled.
Constant interrogation style questioning would break any criminal down in the long term, not to mention good friends. I dont understand.
Maybe its juz today, Maybe is calls that woke me up and those tat kept me from sleeping.. Then questions til i answered them all, then i get to sleep?! something granted to all living things.
Tell me how not to be pessimistic..
when the reason behind my pessimism is uncertainty...
Something looking so rosy can come crashing down the next
Perhaps...we met at the wrong time
Perhaps...at the wrong place
Perhaps...the only thing wrong is us
If only there were Ifs..
If only i can be happy
Time will tell
A wound covered waiting to be healed...
There's no need to know more bout her...
but somehow i still feel unassured..
and maybe tat is what pissed him..
he says "y do u have to keep asking the same thing over again?"
i digress
perhaps...its true...
but i cannot help it..
maybe its juz wanting to listen, to be assured again..
Im tired of asking too
He said "then stop asking!"
I'll try...but the reasons behind them are strong.
Its lies leading to mistrust, leading to further insecurity.
Maybe not seeing him for the time being will be good
yet.. i will miss him.
I dont know if this is called the next level in our relationship...
or..
the beginning of an end.
God, please help.
i love him..
i really do...
weekend's been great, so is our relationship looking up...
but....
someone else is suffering i know...
worse...
yet i cant do anything to help....
I guess i have so many things to say...
this weekend was great, i see u tried to be better now..
But what ive got to say...i dont know how to put it across..
It still hurts...
I guess ur moment of confusion left a permanent scar in our relationship.
Which girl would want to be with a guy who is fickle in love?
Who keeps a lookout constantly for a better partner?
There is no sense of security.. there are still many doubts...
The future might reopen old wounds..
I dont know if i will still be the same..
But one thing im sure of, for now i am faithful.
I cannot stray when my heart already belonged to u.
Dont break it.
Fighting within myself...
Father pls tell me
Is it becuz we stopped going to church?
so u stopped giving us ur blessings...
Give me some guidance, i need ur light..
I saw the new photos she uploaded... 24th..the day they went to watch FD3...i think
I read her blog.. What does she mean "昨天中午对他发了飚,晚上谈判, 结论是我又心软了, 说是最后一次." Last time.. last time what?
Flashbacks..
I tried to call him... No answer..
maybe he's in camp sleeping..
maybe he sneaked out.. the car's with him...
Perhaps i should give up..
even tho he tried to assure me...
still.. I dont get whats going on..
What does she want?
What do they talk about?
Did they go out behind my back?
Is this the beginning or the end?
My heart is aching again..
I dont want to lose him,
But i dont want to share him either.
I hope she disappears...
I told her...
moments of tears
moments of helplessness
moments of feeling cheated
moments of being a fool
A loss so great..
A loss so painful..
A loss... never to turn back..
He.. went out with friends...
i think shes going too..
Because they're all from the same school..
I wont think bout it..
I DONT WANT to think bout it..
I think he doesnt like me to mention bout her everynow and then.
He cuts me off sometimes..
But i cant help it! I feel the hurt, and only he can help me let go of the thought..
Tormenting thoughts..
Disillusionised future..
Almost non-existent security
But his words are so real..
so does he feel.. so real..
And so tender is his touch..
But..
What i cant see...is how real his heart...
She likes him.. He says he doesnt..
He doesn want to give me up juz for her, neither does he like her enough to do so.
Yet why does he still do things tat hurt me..
He wants to play with her..
even tho its not worth it..
I dont know how else to tell her to back off,
without coming across as a B*tch.
But im not, it's my bf..
I have to fight for what is supposed to be mine.
I dont want them to even meet anymore,
its tearing me apart.
I dont even want to have to think bout it anymore..
Someone juz take me away from this place...
Life is too tiring for me..
Relationships are too draining..
Please..before i break..
i heard stuff.. and it aint positive
apparantly, he still went out with her behind my back...
emotions? what emotions? im completely numbed, head to toe.
whats wrong with me? cant he juz stay faithful?
No more chances, no more.
This last one, if he doesn cherish it, im gone. Forever..
Tim like my hair.. so cool haha~ feeling alot better..
Things are looking good so far..Went mandarin today, to celebrate alicia's bday.
Alicia's Darrell's gf, and Darrell's tim's brother. Get it? haha~
Had drinks at the top of the M after dinner at triple3, haven been feeling so relaxed for long. Exams like no exams like tat.. even tho its juz mock exams.
So feeling pretty happy today =P
Someone tell me im not insane..
i snipped my waist-long hair today..
to something juz around my shoulder..
I tink i look much cuter,
but the sexy bit isnt there anymore..
Sobs..
haha~ well as if i was to begin with..
I appreciate those who asked me how ive been..
but honestly, to hear the words "hows u and him?" is like touching a fresh wound.
it still hurts, tho they meant well, still, it hurts.
Because it sets me thinking..
If ur partner still has his eyes open to see the world, and his heart open to receive another,
What should u do?
Im caught up in this situation,
where nothing is gauranteed in future, nothing is Confirmed confirmed, no matter how sure the person sounds now.
So is tat my own insecurities, or what?
Confusion within..
Coaxed by his words,
Messed up by inner thoughts..
internal turmoil
will i ever get pass this..?
i doubt,
it still hurts,
the cut never heals..
juz like the scar will never fade away..
He said..or didnt say..he'll be going out with her again tonight. I dont know.. but i have this feeling even if he does, he isnt going to tell me. That struggle within me that resulted, cant he see that only he can heal the hurt that he caused? before i break down once again..and perhaps this time, i'll never climb back up to allow myself to get hurt again. Or perhaps i'll leave.. leave for good, to a place where no tears will flow, to a person who will love me more than anyone could have.. a place where theres Him.
He said he'll never want to give me up for her.. becuz he love me too much. But the pain inflicted left an open cut that will probably never heal. Even so, what will be left is a scar in its place. Anyways, he's trying his best to plaster it up =P
Time to continue on my blog.. stay tuned for updates. =P